The "Modern" Twas the night before Christmas

[TCharley300]

T'was the night before Christmas –
and Old Santa was pissed
He cussed at the elves
and threw down his list


The Miserable brats,
the ungrateful jerks
I have good mind
to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" –
what do I hear?

The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
The elves want more money
The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant
and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I think
that things would get better
The IRS
sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes
and that ain't so funny
Who the hell gave
Santa Clause money

And the kids these days -
they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...
Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year
making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...
Their arms, legs and heads

They all want smart phones,
now that’s just the gem
They don’t want stuff
Like Barbi and Ken

If you think that's bad...
Now just picture this
Try holding those brats...
with their pants full of piss

They pull on my nose –
they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile..
folks think that I'm weird

I Fly through the air
And dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys
and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job...
there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my ass
and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year..
and here is the reason
Covid is here
I’m out for the season!!​

 

[Lincoln MFing Loud]

Did you write this? It's great LOL!

 

[TCharley300]

yes I did. Thanks for the compliment. I'm retired Fire Department and have a wicked sarcastic sense of humor.

Did you write this? It's great LOL!

 

[Lincoln MFing Loud]

yes I did. Thanks for the compliment. I'm retired Fire Department and have a wicked sarcastic sense of humor.

Wow, God bless you then, sir. I too am a snarker so I feel ya.